New York divorcee Juliet Jeske reports that after leaving her husband (no word on whether she had cause for breaking her marriage vows) dating hasn’t been quite what she envisioned. It turns out that men aren’t all that eager to commit to an aging woman with a history of violating her commitments.
She calls herself a “committed relationship kind of girl.” By which she apparently means “committed until I decide to break that commitment.” Unfortunately for her, men seem perfectly happy to take the uncommitted sex that other women are offering. She describes her experience of dating:
• The guy will call or text when he wants to hookup but that is about it.
• You are supposed to be on call to wait for the opportunity to see him
• Don’t reveal too much about yourself, but listen to him complain
• Don’t expect commitment, or exclusivity
• Don’t expect any emotional bonding
• Don’t expect much effort on his part to impress you
• Don’t expect him to make you feel important in his life
Nonetheless, she’s anxious not to sound judgmental. Immediately following the passage I just quoted, she writes “everyone is different and for some people this situation is ideal.” She even endorses the behavior of slutty women:
I do not judge others with different lifestyles. If a polyamorous life of multiple lovers or a string of emotionally detached one-night stands with perfect strangers is satisfying to a person, then they should be doing exactly that.
Now, it’s obvious that one of the main reasons she can’t get men to commit to her is the promiscuity of other women. The other reason is the lack of true commitment that she and other women have demonstrated.
It’s not hard to guess why she refrains from any self criticism, but why is she so afraid to judge other women for their promiscuity? The immediate cause is probably her conformity to prevailing opinion, but what is the underlying logic of prevailing opinion? What ideology forbids passing moral judgment?
One great liberal thinker said that we were free to do anything that did not harm others. Yet promiscuity clearly fails this test, for the promiscuity of New York women has hurt her. It turns out that society matters, and individual behavior is not so easily separated from the common interest. Yet modern individualist liberalism responds to this challenge (if it deigns to acknowledge it) by dropping Mill in favor of a principled unprincipledness. “You can’t judge people” is the only principle we now maintain.
Women wanted to be freed from traditional views of women, wanted to be able to act on whim, and not to have to be anything special. They can hardly be surprised that men have started to respond by treating women as though they are nothing special.
UPDATE: it turns out she left her husband because he was gay (after 9 years?!). Accusation of frivolous divorce withdrawn.